Blame

I so admire people who can be open and let share every part of themselves with others. Sometimes I think of things that I'd like to blog about, or tell someone, or just get off my chest, but I'm so afraid of offending someone that I keep it to myself. I rarely even write in a journal, and even then never anything negative or embarrassing. Because what if someone finds it and reads it? What will my future self think? Or my future kids? What if something happened to me and my mom read my journal to try to feel close to me, and the last thing I had written was that I was mad at her about some unimportant little thing? I guess maybe sometimes I worry too much about what other people think or making other people happy, but that's just part of who I am.

A few weeks ago, I read this beautiful letter, written by a woman to her father who had committed suicide 16 years prior, when she was only 9 years old. One sentence especially stood out to me. She said, speaking of her family, "Everyone is beautiful and funny and full of life, but we're all a little broken and finding our way. Dad, just so you know, most people are broken; so I don't blame you." Everyone has weaknesses and insecurities. Everyone has traits they wish they didn't and things they'd like to change about themselves. I know that sometimes when I think about the things that annoy me the most about myself, I try to blame it on someone else. "It's because my mom did/didn't do this with me when I was a kid" "My dad said this to me and it scarred me for life" "My brother teased me" "My sister did this" "My friends did that"

Sometimes it might even be true that something I do or think now is the "fault" of someone else, but that's just the way life is. Everything that we are is the result of the experiences we've had. And even if I am a little broken because of some of the things that have happened to or around me, so is every single other person on this planet. That doesn't mean I need to hate those who may have affected my life negatively. Because you know what? I'll bet you anything most of them changed my life a million other ways for the better. And even if they didn't, they're still a part of what makes me who I am today, and that's something I'm thankful for.